if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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