Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
