he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
