hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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