Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
