It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
