Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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