I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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