This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
