We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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