Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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