So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
