I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
