Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
