There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
