I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize