I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
