I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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