Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
