I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
