dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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