covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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