This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize