And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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