thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
