yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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