but the lizard people decide everything anyway
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
