Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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