Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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