i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
