worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
