If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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