i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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