Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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