WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
