I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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