yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
