My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
