Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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