booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
