tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
