Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
