dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
