I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
