i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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