So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
