I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
