So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
