Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
