Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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