just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
