Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
so much tequila, so little girl.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
