I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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