i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
