woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
