my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
