I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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