We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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