i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
