she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
