Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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