Buhtt sex?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
