On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
