and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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