the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
