Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
