I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
