totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
