my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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